CHAPTER NINETEEN

A trip down memory lane-part 1

DEAR DIARY

Lately, I can’t help but find myself wondering; WHAT SHOULD REALLY COUNT when you are in LOVE? Is it the TIME you find yourself SMILLING thinking of that person, giggling about the MOMENTS you've had with him/her? Or the time you found yourself CRYING because someone makes you so HAPPY, it melts your HEART?

Life with MISS DEE (*not her real name* see CHAPTER SEVENTEEN) has been like a roller-coaster RIDE. I remember a TIME that she was all I could THINK about all day every day. But the TRUTH about the inconvenient TRUTH is that it is HARD when you meet the RIGHT LOVE at the WRONG TIME. And what is more PAINFUL is when you have to give up the RIGHT LOVE because you have to face the RIGHT TIME holding the WRONG LOVE!

Diary, permit me to take you on a little TRIP down MEMORY LANE, I met MISS DEE a year prior to the time MISS PERKY (*not her real name*) crossed paths with me…She had everything I thought I needed in my ideal girlfriend at the time. For quite some time, she was just a CLOSE FRIEND till the pent up FEELINGS in me for her became so uncontrollable that I had to make it known to her that I wanted to DATE her. Unfortunately for me, my TIMING was wrong because she had started seeing her ‘dream guy’. I had to contend with her friendship and forget about ever getting to DATE her. Things were very DIFFICULT for me because let’s FACE it, to be offered FRIENDSHIP when romantic LOVE is in your heart is like being given a loaf of BREAD when you are dying of THIRST…!

Fast forward a year later when I had TRIED all I could to WIN her HEART but realized to my utter dismay that it’s a forlorn cause, MISS PERKY showed up and that is where another story of unrequited love began! My attention had shifted from MISS DEE to MISS PERKY who was also head over heels in love with another guy. Just when I had grown TIRE of futilely pursuing MISS PERKY, Miss Dee popped up out of nowhere and we started dating!

Indeed, it was a story of meeting the RIGHT LOVE at the WRONG TIME for both of us…This is because she had just broken up with her supposed ‘dream guy’ and I was also tired of chasing MISS PERKY without any LUCK! I must admit, life with MISS DEE was kinda fun but so unreal! Yet like the true HOPELESS ROMANTIC I am, I wanted a PERFECT ENDING. I guess I must have some undiagnosed brain injury because I stupidly thought that this relationship based on convenience I chanced into with MISS DEE early this year might turn out to be REAL with TIME! But now I’ve learned the HARD WAY that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.

 In life, as in art, some ENDINGS are BITTERSWEET. Especially, when it comes to LOVE Sometimes FATE throws two LOVERS together only to RIP them APART. Sometimes, the hero finally makes the RIGHT choice but the TIMING is all WRONG, and as the saying goes, TIMING is everything! It was fun chasing an ILLUSION, it gave me reason to be HAPPY, even if it wasn't REAL, but any ‘chase’ surely has to END. I'm just disappointed because when it did end... I was left with nothing but a MEMORY of something that never EXISTED!

It is hard to love someone who can never be truly yours. Time would give you chances to talk, chances to be together, chances to share. See how it hurts? You only have chances. Just chances!