Dear Diary,
Do you ever sit and think, what if? What if you had never
said the first HELLO, or what if your PATHS never crossed? What if you kept
your mouth shut, kept your feelings to yourself and just let things BE/PASS?
What if you had just five more minutes? What if you could turn back TIME
and make it all stand still? Where would your LIFE be? Who would you be with as
a FRIEND/LOVER? Would the person be somebody Better? Worse? Would you be less confused? more confused?
Happier? Sadder? Just, what if?
You see, I’m a GUY who has been tamping down his EMOTIONS
and keeping them tightly GUARDED for almost his whole life…well maybe not my
entire life…but pretty much all year round after my ‘love-gone-bad’ experiences with MISS PERKY and MISS DEE. And that was
working really well for me... And now out of nowhere, MISS CUTIE comes in and I
truly feel like my thick SHELL has a dangerous crack in it. Without much EFFORT
on her part, my shell had split wide open and my enormous river of EMOTIONS is
gushing out - the bad and the good. It is pretty much the scariest thing I'd
ever thought of…
I guess everyone has a reason for keeping people away, an
instinct to PROTECT ourselves from getting HURT. It’s a part of human nature.
I’ve been doing pretty great at PROTECTING my heart from getting broken all
over again because of unrequited love.
But my little experiences with MISS CUTIE and the others before her make me
believe that the inconvenient truth is sometimes: we only HIDE because we want to be FOUND. We only WALK AWAY because we
want to see who will FOLLOW us. And sometimes we only BREAK HEARTS to see what
they really MEAN to us…I’ve had my heart broken by so many people under so
many circumstances but gradually, MISS CUTIE is making me realize that LIFE is
not just a simple SONG but a series of COMPLICATED MELODIES…And all in all, I
admire her for being such an expert at crossing my mind, she does not need to
be extravagant to impress me, her personality already captures my heart…
I had the pleasure of escorting MISS CUTIE on an 80km
journey so she could go to her mum’s for the Christmas holidays. The ride to
her home was quiet most of the time but it was filled with intermittent
conversations/chit chats till we finally got to her house. Unfortunately, her
mum was still at work so I didn’t get to meet her, she decided to accompany me
to the nearest bus terminal so I can hitch a ride back to Cape Coast where I
live…nothing significant happened on our way to her house but that short ride
has come to mean so much to me than the many “SOMETHINGS” I’ve done with
others…and though I am far away from her now, I can FEEL her heartbeat in mine,
I can SMELL her fragrance in my MEMORIES, I can feel her soft palm in mine and
the mellow taste of that KISS – that
never happened – still lingers!
I must admit there was a time I no longer believed in the
idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But lately, my daily experiences
with MISS CUTIE is making me begin to believe again that few times in our lives,
if we’re lucky, we might meet someone who is exactly RIGHT for us. Not because s/he
was PERFECT, or because we were, but because our combined FLAWS are arranged in
such a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together!
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