CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Dear Diary,

Do you ever WONDER if we make the MOMENTS in our LIVES or if the moments in our lives MAKE us? If you could go back in TIME and CHANGE one thing about your LIFE, would you? And if you did, would that CHANGE make your life BETTER or would that change ultimately BREAK YOUR HEART or break the heart of ANOTHER? Would you choose an entirely different PATH? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment that you always wanted back?

Our lives are made up of a million MOMENTS, spent in a million different ways. Some are spent searching for LOVE, PEACE and HARMONY. Others are spent SURVIVING day to day. But there is no greater moment than when we find that life — with all its JOYS and SORROWS — is meant to be lived one day at a time.

Diary, I know I’ve gone SILENT on you for quite some time now. A lot of things have happened since we last TALKED. I must say I have been very BUSY with work and school. But regardless of how busy I’ve been the drama or LOVE-HATE relationship with MISS PERKY SLENDER and I never cease to unfold. The last time we talked (Chapter 15), I was contemplating LETTING GO off her because honestly sometimes I feel LOVING her is like HUGGING a CACTUS, because it seems the tighter I hug (LOVE) her, the GREATER the PAIN!

The drama between she and I intensified when I discovered the contents of her DIARY that fateful Wednesday morning. After reading what she’s written about me, the PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, SHAME and HEARTBREAK I felt cannot be put in words. I wished the ground I was standing on had broken into two halves and just swallowed me up! I found myself wondering how FUNNY it was sometimes, that the MEMORIES we CHERISH before a breakup or HEARTBREAK can suddenly become OUR WORST NIGHTMARES afterwards. The THOUGHTS we LOVED to think about, the MEMORIES we wanted to HOLD UP TO THE LIGHT AND VIEW FROM EVERY ANGLE--it suddenly seems a lot SAFER to lock them in a box, FAR FROM THE LIGHT OF DAY AND THROW AWAY THE KEY! Indeed we all search for LOVE, but sometimes some of us after we found it, WISH WE HADN'T!                                         To make matters worse, I was scheduled to write a very important EXAM at 12pm that very day, the content of her diary about me was so disparaging that I wished I had never met her! How could somebody who calls me a FRIEND write such DESPICABLE things about me?! Anyway, I got to the exam center 30 minutes late but I was allowed to write it, the results came a week later and I had scored the LOWEST mark in my class.

In as much as she constantly gives me enough reason to cut her LOOSE and let go off her, I always remind myself that EVERYBODY IS WORTH MORE THAN THEIR WORST ACT! Sometimes, FATE has a cruel way of putting things together. In most cases, we tend to FEEL it's better if we just GIVE UP when there's no point in FIGHTING for something anymore. Indeed, when the ship has finally sailed, only a FOOL would go after it when it's already miles away. But sometimes, isn’t it a lot better to be a FOOL to go after what we really WANT and NEED, rather than to REGRET everything in the end because we never even tried or tried harder?! After all, after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "YOU OWE ME." Look what happens with a love like that? It lights the whole sky! So why should I throw away my chance of being HAPPY just because of her faulty opinion of me?

The truth is, in my experience & growing up, I've been WALKED on, USED & FORGOTTEN & I don't REGRET one moment of it because in those moments, I've LEARNED a lot. I've learned who I can TRUST & who I can't. I've learned the MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP. I've learned how to tell when people are LYING & when they're SINCERE. I've learned how to be a TEENAGER, & how/when to GROW UP when need be. I've been to HELL AND BACK a few times, & I WON'T EVER TAKE WHAT I HAVE FOR GRANTED.

I will always be like a PAPER upon which MISS PERKY can write her innermost THOUGHTS and FEELINGS, scribble her ANGER and FRUSTRATIONS, use me to absorb her TEARS and dry her eyes, but I PRAY and HOPE she doesn’t throw me away after USING ME because when winter comes and she’s feeling COLD, I wouldn’t mind BURNING myself to WARM her! And if LIGHTNING strikes, I'd cover my HEART so when it strike me, I'd FALL HAPPILY knowing I protected her by SECURING the special place where she’s always been (ie my HEART).

One day, we might forget the people that once came to our lives. But I know that when that day comes, I won't forget MISS PERKY SLENDER. Because she didn't just come into my LIFE, she became a BIG PART of it!