CHAPTER EIGHT

DEAR DIARY,

Yesterday I fell in love, BUT today feels like my funeral, I'm sitting in my crappy room tryna keep my composure Knowing inside I'm broken and tore up! WHY? Well, I was scheduled to meet my students @ 11am in the morning but had to cancel out on em bcoz Miss Perky had told me the day b4 that she'd come hang out with me..I woke up looking forward to hang out with her but she called to tell me that she's had one of those "EMOTIONAL TALKS" with her "object of interest" & hence can't hang out with me again as she used to...At that moment, how i felt can only be summed up with this question; HAVE YOU EVER been repulsed by SOMEBODY SO MUCH THAT YOU WISH THEY WOULD JUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK BUT YET, LOVED THEM SO MUCH, YOU KNEW YOU'D DIE IF THEY DID??? The truth is sometimes I wish I had never met her because then I could go to SLEEP at night not knowing there was someone like her out there. 

 It's very amazing how one little conversation can change things forever & It is tearing me up on the inside to have these DEEP FEELINGS for her, yet I can neither get rid of them nor does it matter to her.

 I sit here and wonder if she'll ever UNDERSTAND just how much of ME belongs to HER. I wonder what I could do or SAY to make her like me. I wonder what or who I need to be, FOR HER TO BE MINE!! I wonder when just BEING ME will be enough!! But most importantly I wonder if I SHOULD SMILE BCOZ SHE'S MY FRIEND OR CRY BCOZ THAT'S ALL WE MAY EVER GET TO BE!!!hmmmmmmmmmmmmm